The longing to be back in the US, living my previous life has been steadily receding, I am also beginning to feel happy about being back in India. I still continue to feel alien for the most part but I also feel at home more often. I still struggle to accept the easy manner in which people invade our privacy here but I am beginning to harden myself into maintaining my boundaries according to my needs. I am still confused about my place and my sense of self but I am beginning to accept that I will never be one thing or the other but a cultural mongrel of sorts and that is ok.
What I have not been able to do so far is actually work on putting down my roots here. For reasons unknown I balk at the thought of complete acceptance. This is funny because I remember going through the same feelings during my first couple years in the US. There was this fear of letting my old familiar self go in order to become the different person I needed to be to survive in a totally different environment. I never once thought I would feel the same on my return to India. But then, that's how matters stand, I am going through a similar struggle all over again and sometimes it all gets so overwhelming that I long to fly back in time and space to my cozy little apartment overlooking the chagrin valley in Northeast Ohio. At other times, it feels good to be back in this country of mine with her relaxed air and abundant sunshine. Go figure!
